Jeff and Kallie

Before I start this next one I have to tell you about 2 blogs that you should be reading...first is my aunt Melody. You NEED to read what she has to say and learn from her insights on life. You will be amazed. The second is a friend of mine...I mean I guess we're friends, though we haven't talked in years. I keep up to date with her because I'm a blog stalker, and I'm so glad I have found her blog. Her name is Kat Serra and she has taught me so much by her example - she is a true example of inner and outer drop dead gorgeousness. :) These are both amazing women who have touched my life more than they know because of their strength (ironically their strength is shown when they have expressed their most heartfelt feelings of inadequacy and weakness), their character and their pure goodness. Read up...it will be good for you. :)

Anyway, about a month ago I was challenged to start SEEing the little things in my life that are sacred to me, but that I may have overlooked. I was really excited to start that project, but got behind and only did it for 1 day before I forgot to keep going. I am disappointed that I missed out on that experience, but I have learned to let go and not get down on myself for stuff like that...afterall life goes on. :) That one day though was enough to get my mind going and thinking on all the things that I take for granted...little things that I see every day without recognizing. It has changed my paradigm on just about every level. Some of the things I have started to really SEE:

My husband's things: It used to bug me so much that Jeff would leave stuff all over the top of his dresser...his wallet, papers, keys, hats - you name it. That's where unloads his pockets and I think occasionally he unloads his computer bag there. It bothered me until I realized how grateful I am to have him here - sharing my life, sharing my house, sharing my room - and how my heart absolutely drops when I even think about what it would be like without him. And suddenly instead of those little things bothering me, I am so grateful to have them there because that means he's there too.

My own imperfection: I don't think I'm different than most women in knowing each and every one of my imperfections. I know each one of the parts of my body that isn't photo-shoot ready, and I could give you a LONG list of the ways I fall short as a disciple, a wife, a sister, a daughter, an employee, a student ETC ETC. Add inadequately prepared mother to that list soon. My self improvement list is ever-growing. BUT I have learned to SEE myself as me...good at some things, really good at some things and still learning. And where would I be without that?! How boring would it be to be perfect in every way. What would I do all day? Where would the joy of growth and triumph and adventure come from? No, I have a long way before I reach any kind of perfection and I am not only okay with that I am grateful for all that I have to do and all the potential I have to reach, and all that I will experience and learn on my way there.

A never-ending to do list: Sometimes to-do lists seem overwhelming....I know mine gets longer before I get everything crossed off, and there are things floating around in my mind that haven't made it to paper yet. And I could get frustrated about that, wishing that everything were done....that my house were finished, that we were debt-free, that we were done with school, that our businesses were where we want them to be, that my pictures were organized and my pictures hung and my laundry didn't ever pile up. BUT what would be the fun in that?! With my new perspective, I wonder if a genie appeared in front of me and said he'd grant me a wish what would I wish for?? There is nothing I want in my life that I don't already have and getting from here to where we want to be will be such an adventure for Jeff and I...would I give that up?! Maybe I would knowing that the adventures will never end and that's the fun of it. So I'm grateful for my never-ending to do list and the things inside that make me feel uncomfortable when I know I can do better and be better.

Music: Tucker reminded me of this. I have never met a person who loves music as much as he does. He comes to our house and can spend HOURS on the computer listening to music. He reminded me how incredible it is to really listen to a piece of music - doesn't matter what kind it is - rock, pop, classical - whatever floats your boat. But when was the last time you turned up a song really loud so you could listen and appreciate the bass line, the drums, the voice, the lead guitar, the rhythm, the percussion. I have done that a couple of times lately...there's really nothing like REALLY listening to a song.

Jeff: My greatest aspiration in life is to be the kind of wife Jeff deserves, and I work on it a lot, but I seem to have a hard head and set habits. Something I've noticed lately is that some of the things I work so hard on seem to come naturally to him. He never ever nags me, he accepts me perfectly for who I am - knowing that I am imperfect and have so many ways to improve, but loving me completely anyway. He is patient with me, and always treats me kindly. When I'm late, he waits, when I'm excited about a project he gets excited with me and tries to catch my vision. I have really recognized that in him lately, and I hope that I am the same kind of accepting and loving companion to him that he is to me.

Dog stuff: The chew toys they leave around the house, their hair, Bruno's bad breath, Mahone's perpetually muddy feet and the way he sloshes them in the water til he gets all the mud off...I see it all differently now. This might make me a creepy dog owner, but I just love those little guys. They bring life and happiness to our house. Coming home is such a different experience when they're there than when they're not. They're so happy to see us, so anxious to please us and they're so good. I always thought it was a little dramatic for people to get so sad when stuff happened to their pets, but I really don't know what I would do if anything happened to either of them. I don't mind at all putting up with their toys and their chew toys that I sometimes step on because I'm glad they're around.

Jeff's smile: Yesterday I had some time to think by myself and somehow my thoughts reverted back to the imperfect things in my life and I was feeling down about them. Jeff came into the room and we started talking. I can't remember who said what, but we laughed at something and I really saw his smile. I was laughing too, but for some reason his smile meant more to me. I had been worried and stressed, and that feeling was still inside of me, but there was his smile and his laugh. I need to be better about this. Life isn't perfect and there are all kinds of set backs and things sometimes don't go the way I want them to, but why not be happy anyway? Why not smile and laugh through it all...afterall an entire lifetime is made up of days and days are made of hours and minutes and moments. And if I can smile and feel happy for all of those minutes and hours and days, then I will be able to look back and say that I had a happy life. This is something I want to be better at - letting myself be happy despite set backs, and not thinking only about being happy WHEN...

Anyway, I could go on and on, but I have work to do. As I think of new things that I've seen in new ways I will be sure to post them as reminders for myself...I hope you'll do the same.

xoxo