This is a story I head once in Relief Society. It's a story that was written by a mother who had a handicapped baby, but I think it applies to life so well. Sometimes life doesn't go the way we plan...sometimes a day doesn't or a week or a month or a year... I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland.""Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy. But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
You know, I was going to write about how things in our little life here in Provo haven't gone according to our plan, but now that I think about it, they have! Maybe it feels like they haven't because it's sometimes hard and a lot of things take patience that I don't have yet. Jeff and I have made a lot of goals and are working hard to reach each of them. I can really only think of one or two things that I wish were going differently, and one of those things is completely out of our control. We're doing all we can, and for the most part, things are going great.
So I was going to write about my 'tulips in Holland', but maybe I should write about The Coliseum, The Michelangelo David and The gondolas in Venice. Either way, some really great things happened this week:
1. I got paid for doing what I love!! I started working with a photographer that I've known for a few years. I do his marketing, some of the side work for his business, and sales for him, all on commission. A few weeks ago, I designed a brochure for him, outlining the things he offers. I planned to use it for the sales I will make, but I sent it to him to make sure it was okay. This week, he came back and said he wanted to use it too. He asked me how much I would charge him, so I told him that I usually charge $25/hour. It took me about 3 hours to design the brochure, so $75. Not much, but holy cow...getting paid for doing something that comes so naturally to me?? Something that I really enjoy doing? It was like getting paid for going to the park. I feel very lucky and very blessed. The opportunity was there for me, I took it, and now I'm getting paid for doing something I love that comes to me more naturally than anything I've done in my life.
2. This week I babysat Riley and Gentry for a few hours. I miss being around kids all the time. It was fun to play with them and make them lunch, put Gentry down for a nap...you know pretty regular stuff. I loved it though.
3. I love that I can take Dan to therapy whenever he needs me to. This week I picked him up and took him home after therapy. When we got back to his house, Titan (their giant dog, and maybe my favorite dog ever), was so excited to see us. He's always pretty excited to see people. I love that. Once I got Dan inside and got him some lunch, I went outside again and grabbed the leash. Titan just about died, he was so excited. I took him on a walk, and he was so good. When Jeff takes him, he pulls and pulls on the leash, so we can hardly keep up, but this time it was like he knew I wasn't as strong. He was gentle and only pulled a couple of times for just a second. Titan doesn't get much attention, since everyone is so busy, and it made me really happy to take him on a walk and make him happy.
4. Last night I was sick. I woke up around 3 thinking I was going to die. I didn't. :) Instead I woke up at 8 as if nothing had happened at all. I just love Sundays. I love going to church, and I love the chance to rest and refill myself again. I made a new rule for myself - no email, facebook or anything like that on Sunday. Not that I think there's anything wrong with doing those things...it's just that that's what I do all day every day. I'm on the computer for 8 to 10 hours a day! Not getting on the computer on Sunday makes it a different, more relaxing day. I wouldn't be on here now, but I don't have time to blog during the week. :)
5. Another rule I made for myself - no deep cleaning (including vacuuming) except on Saturdays. I inherited this weird thing from my mom... I swear my blood pressure rises when the house isn't clean. I usually vacuum every other day or so. I really like when everything is in its place and things look good, but sometimes that cuts into my working time. This week, on Thursday night, I was looking around and thinking the house could really use a once-over, but decided that I wouldn't use my weekday time to do it, which made Friday a whole work day. Maybe it sounds weird, but it made a difference to me, and made be feel like I had a more full week.
6. I have read my scriptures every day since the beginning of the year. I made a new goal to read and pray before I do anything else. Something else that I inherited somewhere along the way....the women in my family are workaholics. They work so hard. Not necessarily because they have to, but because they like to. I had gotten into the habit of waking up in the morning and going straight across the hall to work. Now I get up and read, then pray then work on my goals for 10 or 15 minutes. A couple of things have happened as a result. I naturally wake up earlier than before. It's like my body knows it has to get up, so I can read and still have as much time to work as before. Also, my life feels more full. I wish I could explain that better, but I don't know how. Maybe it's the spirit that's more present in my life when I take time daily to focus on spiritual things, but it makes my heart feel full and gives my life more meaning.
7. We got a new printer! I do marketing, right. So I've been talking about getting a new printer for a while now. We've looked and looked and finally found the right one...and it was on sale, so we bought it. My work will be much easier now, and less expensive, since now we don't have to go to the office or Kinkos to print high volume and/or color jobs. This printer even does double-sided printing automatically. I'm really excited about it. :)
8. I quit my job in December, which was a leap for both Jeff and I. We'd hired a guy to do some marketing for us, but he hadn't done much. I knew that no one would do a better job than me. Jeff encouraged me to do what I wanted to do, and to get away from the 9-5 that I hate so much. I did it, and even though I think we were both a little worried about how we'd make it without my income until I brought some business in. Business is just starting to pick up, but you know, we haven't missed my income at all? In fact, it almost seems like we make more than we did. It must be a blessing for paying tithing. I'm sure grateful for it.
9. I LOVE the Book of Mormon. I just know its true, and that it teaches us how to live better and how to prepare for the Second Coming. I feel so much gratitude toward the people who spent their lives writing and preserving it. I feel grateful to Joseph Smith for being faithful enough to bring it forth and protect it...even with his life. I feel most grateful to the Savior. The Book of Mormon really is another testament of Him. I know with my whole heart that he came to earth with a specific purpose and that he fulfilled that purpose. I know that everything he did, he did for us. I love to read about his life and his teachings.
Ya, life is pretty good. I'm glad that I wrote this...otherwise I might still think that things were going wrong, even though there's just that one thing. That one thing almost overshadowed a hundred other things that are going well! I hope life is going as well for each of you!
xoxo
I love you sissy.
A year or two ago I got this concept of tithing my time. Doing the essential things, like reading and praying first, and doing visiting teaching early in the month, things like that. Everything else seemed to run more smoothly and I found time I didn't have. Somewhere along the way I've lost that. Thanks for the reminder.
Love ya!
I just read this all for the first time in about a month Kallie! I need to get it together....thanks for taking Brock, thanks for writing this list, thanks for tagging me one month ago..........it's almost to the time that things totally slow down...and I'm gonna take some tips from your sweet list.
I love you and miss you.
Auntie M
I loved the Holland story! How many times does life feel like that?? I love your optimism and deep thoughts :) Hope everything continues to go well. BEST! Jewels
How often do we let the one thing over shadow everything else. I too have been doing the same thing this last couple weeks until I went to the temple today and it seemed to help put things into a little perspective- while that thing still sucks, there are others that are just too good. Just know that I love you- and that alone should be enough :) No- you are SO loved!!